In the midst of tough days...

In the midst of tough days…”How does the life-giving Spirit of the risen Lord manifest Himself on days like that?  In our willingness to stand fast, our refusal to run away and escape into self-destructive behavior.  Resurrection power enables us to engage in the savage confrontation with untamed emotions, to accept the pain, receive it, take it on board, however acute it may be.  And in the process we discover that we are not alone, that we can stand fast in the awareness of [Jesus’] present risenness and so become fuller, deeper, richer disciples.  We know ourselves to be more than we previously imagined.  In the process we not only endure but are forced to expand the boundaries of who we think we really are.” from the book Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook last week.  I just love this because I can so relate to it and feel it!  I feel like I am in one of the darkest places I've been in a long time because my family isn't functioning as I think it should.  I grew up in a family where we were “all for one!”  Everyone (for the most part) cheered, supported, loved, and respected everyone else in the family.  It was safe and sure there.  A refuge.  I've never known this brokenness, that someone in the family – in the inner circle – would disrespect and destroy the family.  And this is so wrong.  It is not in Father’s “right” plan.  And it feels yucky and messy and sucks the life right out of you! 

First, I’m thankful that Father has allowed me to experience the type of family that He delights in.  I know lots of folks that have yet to experience that.  Divorce and all the ripples of that cause such messes in the family structure.  So, I am thankful for growing up in a healthy, holy family – one that always respected the family.  A family built on Christ as our foundation.  Now, I feel the effects of broken family.  When the boys dad left, our family (both immediate and generational) suffered a severe blow.  Part of the walls of family protection, trust, unity, and respect were blown to bits!  And, the part that hurts my heart most is that my kids lost that safe haven of family.  And the effects are vast and far reaching.

I see it in my boys, who are torn between 2 vastly different families.  Yet, they have to figure out how to not only exist but how to thrive in this mess!  And when I question and comment and generally have a bad attitude towards decisions and choices made, I am only making the strain worse.

I know that I only have control over me. 

And I know that this realization is perfectly timed.

I know that it is broken and a big hot mess.

But, I also know without a doubt that Father will restore all things – and that includes His family structure.

And my heart yearns for that day!  That will truly be heaven!!

But, in the meantime, I also know that Father requires me to shepherd this family according to His way and His plan.  Of the things I can control, I must depend on His grace to see me through.

I CHOOSE to submit to Him and stop “chipping away at the wall,” further fracturing it because I've been hurt.  He is bigger than my selfish, hurt feelings.  I choose to entrust Him with this. 

I CHOOSE to serve.  I don’t know exactly what that means and I’m a little anxious here.  But, I know He will lead me by His peace and show me exactly what I am surrendering to.  He will never shame me or abandon me and even if those who have hurt me continue to, I don’t have to give into that or even waste a second thinking about that.  The truth is that when I serve Him, I can seek and trust Him no matter the earthly consequences.  He is always faithful.

I CHOOSE to be different, to desperately seek Him, His Word and His way.  And to trust His grace to rebuild the family structure in a way only He can.  He alone has the ability to supernaturally restore what we've destroyed and to use even this brokenness to train my boys and lead them to a place of wholeness in His family.

Because bottom line is this: No family on earth can provide the perfect family.  My family was pretty close and honestly, I can’t think of another family who seems as close to perfect as mine was.  But, what I continue to learn from Father is that trusting in earthly families is just as messed up as living in broken ones!  And, if allowing my family to fracture will bring Him greater glory by our running to Him in desperation, trusting Him first for protection, provision, love, respect, mercy, safety and blessing, then I can honestly say thank you for even this.

You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power.   For You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.  –Rev. 4:11

Yea, though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me.  Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  –Ps. 23:4